Survey 1: Lupa's Otherkin Survey [September 2005]

Lupa's livejournal can be found here, and the otherkin survey found here. Her website is The Green Wolf.

1. What name would you prefer to be cited as? How old are you in this life? Where are you located (this can just be a general vicinity, such as your state)? What is your physical sex? What gender do you identify as? Do you keep track of these things for any other life/existence/aspect?

Cite me as Meirya. I'm 19 years old, and live in Ohio. I'm female both in gender and in sex. I don't generally keep track of gender or sex when it comes to that which I shift into, or the bird part of myself, but it generally varies, and is of much less import to "bird" than it is to "human". Understandable, I suppose; male/female is purely a physical/reproductive and territory thing for most raptors.

2. What type(s) of Otherkin do you identify as? (ie, dragon, elf, faerie, vampire, therianthrope, etc.) What are the physical/etc. characteristics unique to your race/species, and to you as an individual? Does your present body reflect any of these traits? Do you ever experience phantom limbs correlating to your Otherkin self(s)?

I consider myself a therianthrope. As for my actual species... I'm still trying to narrow it down. For identification's sake, I consider myself a cladotherian, one whose theriotype (animal-self) encompasses a larger group than species or genus. My theriotype is the order falconiformes, or birds-of-prey (excluding owls, which are order strigoformes). I also have a very strong connection to the phoenix, and thought myself to be one for quite a while. Until I can solidify in my mind whether I am or not, however, I simply say that I'm a bird-of-prey with a strong connection to the phoenix. Perhaps it's a totem or somesuch.

Characteristics of falconiformes? Raptors are raptors. Birds-of-prey. Secretary birds, hawks, falcons, ospreys, eagles, caracaras, condors, vultures. I generally just shift to hawk, falcon, eagle, or vulture, but the other families pop up from time to time as well (and probably more often than I recognize).

I don't know that my body reflects much in the way of bird-like traits. My ways of moving and vocalizations, oftentimes; my way of running (while I deny it vehemently, my friends find no end of amusement in pointing out to me that I run like a bird and that it looks very comical); but my physical attributes aren't very raptor-like, as near as I can tell.

I experience phantom limbs only during a mental/phantom/subtle-body shift to bird. There's a beak, and sometimes a crest of feathers, and my arms bend at odd angles because my mind has them as wings, so I can't quite bring them forward at their full use as arms without effort and discomfort.

3. What do you consider to be the origin of your Otherkin side(s)? (ie, past life/reincarnation, personification of a personality aspect, etc.) In other words, where did your Otherkin self/selves come from?

I haven't done a ton of thinking on this (though I've done research on what others think), but I have a few ideas, I suppose. I don't think it comes from a past life. Maybe the phoenix connection does, but not the raptor. It's too much a part of me to be just a memory. I can't call it an aspect of personality like I once did, either - not with the strong mental/subtle-body shifts. I am bird. A large portion of my being is bird-of-prey. I am bird and human both; a bird in a human's body, or bird-soul fused with human; I don't know for sure.

A friend of mine came up with the idea that there are very few purely human souls out there, and those that exist are either very young or very rare. That souls merge, or fuse; that souls shatter and those shards fuse with other souls in the reincarnating; that souls are constantly mixing and separating and melding and changing. And so we get mixtures. Human with a bit of elf, human with a portion of dragon, human with a large percentage of wolf; or the other way around, bird with a portion of human, cat with a bit of human... It makes sense to me, though I'd have to do more thinking on it before I said any definites.

Another similar explanation I've heard that makes sense is that souls pick up energy "residue" over the ages. Or pick up energy and such from other souls, and that colors their own, influences and affects it, sometimes to such a degree that you get someone who's been heavily colored by bird or dragon or whichever. Maybe it starts out to a lesser degree, like someone who has a hawk totem carries various characteristics of that totem. And then gets more pronounced, until you could call the person otherkin.

4. What was your Awakening like? When did you begin to realize you were Otherkin? What brought you to the conclusions you have today? How has your perspective changed since you first started suspecting there was something “different” about you? Did you ever doubt yourself, or even completely deny the possibility?

Judging by some of the otherkin I know offline, I was lucky in my awakening. It was a gradual thing, more a realization of "Holy crap, there's people who feel the same stuff I feel, but they think it's more than an overactive imagination? That's insane, not possible! ...I need to research this" than a sudden jolting violent awakening. I heard the term first through the Gryphon Guild's forums, then did a lot of research before I could even accept it as a possibility (I was always rather logical and methodical, though I've come to accept a lot of "impossible" things since). That was followed by extensive journaling and self-examination that continues to this day.

What brought me to the conclusions I have today? A lot of discussion, a lot of research, a lot of self-examination and questioning. A lot of strange experiences. I've redefined myself and my world several times over. I started out thinking I was phoenix, then later decided to reexamine, as I felt I'd jumped to conclusions a bit simply because I was near-obsessed with the phoenix mythos. I figured it had to be something "real", something of this world; it was too far-fetched and a bit egocentric to assume I was something out of myth. Now, though, I've started reevaluating again, as recent experiences have led me to believe it is possible for people to be creatures out of mythology. "Bird" has remained constant, though, even as I fumble for particulars.

I've most certainly doubted myself. There's been many times where I've thought "I'm insane. This is impossible. I am human, I can't possibly be something else, it goes against all rationality. I'm fooling myself." But it doesn't hold, because there's the instincts and the shifting and the dreams and the strange occurances in my world that are confirmed by people I know (and some I don't) that prove over and over again that this world is more than science acknowledges.

5. How does being Otherkin affect your everyday life? Do you feel comfortable in the body/environment you were born into? Does it affect your choice of career, home or the people you prefer to socialize with? Do other people, or animals, ever sense something different about you, and how consistent are the reactions?

I've learned to live with it. It's odd, sometimes, when I glance into a mirror and don't recognize my reflection. And it's more than a little inconvenient when I have a strong shift to bird in a crowded indoor area, and bird-panic flutters in my chest, and flight-instinct kicks in, and I have to hold tightly to the rational human part of me to keep from making a scene. It hasn't affected much in my life choices, though I prefer above-ground places for my bedroom, and I tend to spend my time with pagan-types and otherkin.

Some people sense something different about me; I've had more than one person ask me if I have a connection to birds, or if I'm a falcon or a hawk or something similar. And simply shifting in front of pigeons, making sure to not move physically, will get them all flying nearly every time. When working with birds-of-prey at the local wildlife rehab center, I had to take care to keep my subtle body as human as possible around them or shield myself, because otherwise they'd get territorial and react in a manner unsafe to both me and the birds.

6. How does being Otherkin affect your spiritual/religious life? Do you practice magic(k) at all, and if so, is being Otherkin a factor in that?

It really doesn't affect my mystic life or spiritual path too much. I have more of an affinity with air and fire; I have an easy time going and traveling astrally; I can draw in natural energies with reasonable ease - but that might not have anything to do with my avian nature. The only solid affect it has on my magical practice is when "going astral" - I'm almost always bird.

7. Have you ever questioned your sanity? Has anyone else ever questioned your sanity? How do you deal with either/both situations? Have you ever received therapy, voluntary or involuntary, due to being Otherkin?

Hell yes, I've questioned my sanity. No one else has, but I have - and thoroughly. I figure, well, if I'm insane, it's not in a maladaptive manner that is harming me, so it's a benign delusion. In some ways it's even helped me. A disorder usually needs to be maladaptive to be considered a disorder.

8. How “uncloseted” are you about being Otherkin? Who knows, who doesn’t and why? If you’ve told people, what was their reaction? Did it change over time?

If it comes up, and if someone asks, I'll usually tell them, though generally I'll "feel them out" first with a lead-in like "A friend of mine believes this: [explain therianthropy]. What do you think?" If they seem receptive, I'll sometimes tell them; if not, I'll leave it alone. So far, no one's thought I'm all that insane, though most of the people I've told are also 'kin.

9. Do you know any other Otherkin, in person and/or online? What’s your impression of the Otherkin community, both locally and more widespread? Have you been to any Otherkin gatherings?

My best friend is otherkin, as is my boyfriend, as is one of my teachers in paganism, as is her husband, as are three of her good friends. Several of my boyfriend's close friends are otherkin. So offline, I know quite a few - mostly therianthropes and vampires, though there's also a couple mythic-beast types and a multiple. I have great respect for almost all of the ones I know offline. The online otherkin community... well. The therianthropy community I don't mind associating myself with, as much of it is rational and literate. I have yet to find an online otherkin or vampire forum that is both literate and semi-rational. I'm still looking.

I have not yet been to any otherkin gatherings. I'm thinking of going to the one in Four Quarters, PA one of these years.

10. What advice do you have to people who suspect they may be Otherkin—or, for that matter, may aid me in making this a better book? Do you recommend any particular resources—books, websites, etc.?

My advice to people who are trying to figure out if they're otherkin of some sort? Take your time and be thorough. Don't jump to conclusions, don't rush, don't force the memories or the shifts or the internal feelings. Memories can be products of imagination and wanting; anyone can shapeshift into just about anything without actually being that thing; and confirmation bias can cause the internal feelings to be inaccurate. Research, journal, keep solid records; talk to others, get others' stories and thoughts and ideas, but ultimately you're the only one who can say who and what you are. Just don't go trumpeting it all over the community unless you've got some good reasoning to back it up. No, you can't prove it; no one can. But be prepared for people looking for some sort of confirmation that you've given your otherkinness a reasonable amount of thought and research.

Let's see, resources? I don't know of much beyond the Otherkin-Etc Booklist that someone gave you at the ~otherkin LJ community, not as far as books go. If you want therianthropy resources, such as essays and others' writings, there's the WereLibrary. It's a bit out of date, but it's a fairly comprehensive index of therianthropic writings on the web.

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